She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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