Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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