Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
