So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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