Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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