Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
