you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
