hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
