Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
