I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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