Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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