soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
