I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
