shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
