i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
