Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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