yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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