I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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