another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
