official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize