don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
