toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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