remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
