Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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