You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
