she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
