she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
