She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
