Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
