haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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