I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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