I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
