im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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