You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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