I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
