they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
