So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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