i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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