News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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