I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
