Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
