don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
