hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
