A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
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