So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
