is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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