wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
