he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
