Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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