careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
