I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
