And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
