I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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