We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We have started to decorate penises.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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