so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
