Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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