i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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