i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
