you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
