First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
