Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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