i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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