you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
