I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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