Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
