i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
