Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize