Michael Bay diarrhea
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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