PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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