things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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