The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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