Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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