I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize