I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Randomize
