i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
